Le Familia, Uncategorized

Our last goodbye.

It took me some time to pen this down. Maybe because i was still in denial. But i really do want to document this down, lest i forget what happened.
Although i really doubt so.

So Nadya turned 1 month few weeks back and on the same day, my MIL lost her battle to cancer.
We found out about her Stage 4 Breast Cancer in November 2014, just 1 week after we got back from our KL Trip together.

It all happened so fast and even though we were already mentally prepared for it, i can’t help feeling devastated about it. It has been 3 weeks since she’s passed away and not a single day went by that i did not think of her and somehow or rather, our conversations will gravitate to “Mummy would love this” / “Mummy used to do this”.

On her 7th day of Tahlil, i broke down in the kitchen because i remembered those times when she would come over our place every week for dinner. The place she would sit at the dining table. The way she said “Alhamdulilah” after her meal and her voice when she picks up her home phone and realized it’s me and she’ll go “Hello, Dyan!” in that unique rhythm reserved for me.

I miss her. I really really do. I’m quite fortunate i’m close to my in-laws. Not the kind of “close for the sake of being close because she’s my husband mum” but really close that we have to meet every week else we’ll miss each other kind of close. Maybe partly cos Rusly is her favourite child and also maybe because she is so easy to get along with.

During her funeral, people keep telling me how i’m such a good daughter-in-law, taking her in to our place while i was heavily pregnant and then during my confinement. What they never realize is how she has always been so so nice to me. She is such a selfless person. Even while she was sick, all she could think about was how tired it must have been for me, having to take care of her in my last trimester. She kept reminding Rusly to focus his attention to me instead of her. Each time Rusly sorta bully me, she’ll come to my rescue. While pregnant, i just have to mention in passing what i wanna eat and she make sure i’ll get it.

Few times she apologised to me for falling sick while i was heavily pregnant. I remembered the day after her 1st chemo, she held my hand, cried and said “Sorry dyan.. Mummy menyusahkan. You’re pregnant.. and you need all the attention and yet i’m taking it away from you” I still cry when i think of her face when she said that to me. 😦

2 weeks before she passed away, she refused treatment. Refused to go for additional ultrasound scan, refused to see her Doctor for consultation. We had the intention of stopping her chemo and let her continue with oral medications instead. We kept promising her that we won’t allow her to go thru chemo anymore and then one morning, my FIL knocked on my bedroom door at close to 9.30am with his eyes brimming with tears saying that mummy can’t breathe. True enough, she was gasping for air. Told her i’m calling the ambulance but she refused. I had to coax her to take the ambulance because i can’t carry her to the hospital on my own. She finally agreed and told me “Please call all my children. I want them with me.” So i called the ambulance and then called all her 3 children including Rusly to hurry up and meet at NUH A&E. I packed Nadya’s stuff, sent her to my mum’s place and head over to NUH A&E.

It was there when the doctor told us her organs are failing, like a domino, they are falling apart one by one.
They placed her in a special room in the A&E, gave us a special pass with “End of Life Program” written on it and told us they would not do any procedure on her. Instead, they want us to stay by her side and say some prayers because at that point, her chance of surviving the day seems very slim. We all cried together in that room. It was so hard for all of us to see her in that condition.

We managed to get her a room, informed all her relatives & friends and everyone came down to see her. Prior to this, she refused visitors. No one was allowed to visit her except for her children. Although a few of her friends actually knew of her condition, she refused to let them visit her. So it came as a shock when they see her for the 1st time. The weight she has lost, the hair she has lost and that cheerful disposition she had.

We requested for a terminal discharge from the hospital to fulfill her final wish – to pass away peacefully at our place.
So we arranged for an ambulance service to take her back to Bukit Panjang, called up some vendors to rent an Oxygen concentrator and arranged for private nurses to come in every day to see her condition. We were also briefed by the nurses on what to look out for, how to inject morphine in her if she’s in pain etc.

The night before she passed away, she was wheezing when she breathe. Even with 15 litres of oxygen support, she could hardly breathe. She was no longer responding when we talked to her. When i held her hand, i noticed tears at the corner of her eyes. I don’t know why but i somehow knew the day is near. That night, we all knew. My FIL requested us to stay by her side and baca Yassin for her before we go to sleep.

At 2.00am, Nadya cried for milk and while feeding her, i remembered thinking if i should wake Rusly up to look at his mom and see how she’s doing. But Rusly looked so tired and was in deep sleep so i dismissed it. What i didn’t know was barely few minutes after i slept after feeding Nadya, his father woke Rusly up because mummy took a long pause each time she breathes. When both of them came back to the room, mummy took her very last breath and passed away peacefully. Rusly’s sister, who slept over that night, woke me up, crying. At that moment, i knew, mummy is gone.

Even though we kind of expected it already, that final moment we had with her was very intense. We called for a doctor to certify the death at 2.55am, went to get the Death Cert done, called all our relatives & friends and arranged for the funeral.

10.00am came and people start streaming in. So did the people arranging the funeral. I asked the kakak in charge if it’s ok fo me to mandikan mayat as well, since i’m still on pantang and ada darah nifas. She said it’s ok. But some of the aunties were telling me not to. Takut i badi.
But really, i think that is the last thing i can do for mummy and i was glad i was part of it. Although i cried half the time and kept kissing her forehead.

Once mayat dah dimandikan and laid on the floor for her closed ones to kiss her and say their last goodbye, i searched for Rusly.
He was crying so hard and i can totally understand why. When it was his turn to kiss his mom, he broke down and kept crying and at one point, stood up to leave because he don’t think he can do it. I had to console him and tell him it is his last chance to kiss his mom and he have to brace himself for this.

By 12.00 noon, we left for the cemetery. Again, the entire family broke down. Especially when i saw her lowered down to the ground with Rusly & his brother down there receiving her coffin. When they started to bury the coffin with more sand till we lost sight of the coffin, we broke down again. I think it really made us realize that we’ll never see her again, or be able to touch her again.

Our only way of grieving right now is to see pictures & the plentiful of videos of her. Somehow, it fills the void of our hearts. But i truly miss her still.
Rusly have been having dreams of her. Once, he woke up crying really hard cos the dream was so real and she seemed so sad. Then few days after, he told me about another dream he had. This time he was happy about it because in that dream, mummy was wearing one of her favourite dress and dancing away.

She will always live in our memories. I will always remember her for her kindness, her need to be prim & proper and her passion for the things she love. Nadya might not be able to grow up knowing her nenek. But she’ll grow knowing how much we love her.
We promised to always tell her stories about her nenek, the wonderful times we had and the amazing person she is.

Al Fateha.

Le Familia, Makan Chronicles, Pregnancy, The Husband & Wife, Third Trimester


So we went to KL over the weekend to get my Tony Romas fix. It was a really short trip.
We flew over to KL on saturday on the 8.45am flight and then back to SG on Sunday on the 5.00pm flight.
Thank you Airasia for the many many SIN-KL flights.

This time round, we brought my in-laws together with us. Although it was a wrong timing cos my MIL sprained her back weeks earlier and had difficulty walking and we had to do many pitstops so she can rest and sit down and take a breather. I almost felt guilty for dragging her to KL just so i can have my cravings fixed. But she said she enjoyed the trip. So i don’t feel that guilty anymore! And to think initially she was worried i would be too tired out from all the walking! But i walked like nobody’s business.

On a sidenote, Rusly’s hair is of the same length as mine now. I think even longer and i’ve been pestering him to get it cut but he refused to listen! Macam nak bakar je rambut dia tau time dia tido.

Our 1st stop right after we landed in KL was to head over to Publika Shopping Gallery.
Initially i wanted to go to Journal by Plan B but we were so hungry by then, it was close to 12.00 noon already, and i was scared if we eat at Journal, then we wouldn’t have space for Gyu-Kaku so we went ahead to Gyu-Kaku instead.

We were the 1st group to come in for lunch so one of the staff Mike offered to help us with grilling the meat etc and i was glad he did that cos that boy is good with his meat! I think if it was up to us to cook the meat ourselves, we’ll probably over-cook it and also cos four of us really macam tak kuasa nak masak mood.

IMG_5204We ordered one of the set and in a second, we were overwhelmed with the amount of meat we have! For a while, i doubt we could finish them all up but yes we did!

Sampai senget-senget.. Jalan pun dah macam lembu.

Continue reading “KL-Waddling”

IVF Journey, Le Familia, Pregnancy, Second Trimester, Special Events, The Husband & Wife

The Raya Announcement

Eid Mubarak!

On this special day, the husband and i’ve decided (at the very last minute) to just go ahead and announce our pregnancy on social media.

To be honest, we only decided to announce because we have friends and family who have been leaving baby-related comments on our social media posts and it’s pretty obvious already. LOL
and also because i’ll need to announce to The Card Maison future clients soon because i’ll have to close orders for April & May weddings soon as i’ll be on Maternity leave in from late December to February.

photo 2
So yes, we are finally pregnant! Yaaaaaayyyy!

With that, i have also un-privatised my posts on the The IVF Journey and The Pregnancy.

I first announced my pregnancy a few days after our positive blood test here. So you can now read how excited i was upon finding out.

I’ll be 4 months pregnant tomorrow . Almost halfway through the pregnancy. So fast!

Continue reading “The Raya Announcement”

Le Familia

Balik Kampung!

Not balik kampung per se since i don’t really have a kampung and one of my to-do list is to go to a kampung wedding just for the fun of it.

So last Saturday, me & the family took a road trip to Kota Tinggi for Saridah’s wedding. Saridah’s is my father’s colleague, who has long since regard her as his own daughter. So of course we have to go to her wedding! Never mind it’s about 2 hours  from SG and it was pretty hard to find her kampung but thank god for Abah’s HP, we managed to find the kampung with his GPS. Our car GPS macam tak boleh harap. Lagi sikit dah sesat.

We started the day early at about 9.30am. There was a massive jam and we only managed to pass thru JB Checkpoint at 11.30am.
We finally reached Kota Tinggi at about 1.00pm plus.

Continue reading “Balik Kampung!”

Le Familia, Makan Chronicles, Pregnancy


So we had an advanced Birthday cum belated Mother’s Day treat for the MIL at 21 on Rajah. Been wanting to go there since i read so many reviews from other bloggers.

But i was sorely dissapointed.
The price was reasonable though. So if you are not very choosy about the buffet spread and you just need a place to eat and be merry, then i think 21 on Rajah is perfect. We only spent $197.00 for 5 adults and 1 child lunch buffet. That is close to what we spend for two pax at Carousel.

The good thing was, even though lunch buffet ends at 2.00pm, they allowed us to stay there and chit chat till about 3.00pm. Nobody bat an eyelid. Nobody told us to leave. So that’s a good point!

We told the in-laws of the good news yesterday and everyone was so happy and that made me happy too!
Such a little thing, yet u made so many people happy already!

Continue reading “Rajah”

Her, Le Familia, The Husband & Wife, The Travel Bug, Trying To Conceive, Uncategorized

two thousand thirteen

this is 2013 in retrospect. Awesome stuff happens in 2013 without me realising it.
I don’t really keep track of everything i’ve done in 2013 but these are the things that stood out to me.

The Card Maison made it’s first debut at the Wedding Expo in 2013.
It was an awesome experience. Tired but very rewarding.


Continue reading “two thousand thirteen”

Le Familia

Before she turns forty!

So the Sister-in-Law celebrated her 39th last weekend and arranged for a few of her close friends to join her in a baking workshop by her fellow ex-colleague. The entire group was made up of urmmm teachers cos my SIL is one.
So yes, apart from me & Dila, my other SIL, the rest are teachers and ke-teacher-an mereka sangat terserlah. LOL
I think it might just be me but most of the time i can tell if that person is a teacher! Teachers seems to have this aura among them and that is not a bad thing lah ok. I think teachers are awesome.

Ok i meant to tell you about the Tea Party cum Workshop she had.
Her ex-colleague Hawa, is a baking genius! The stuff she bakes is like an orgasm in the mouth, pardon the description but honestly, after keeping the cupcakes in the fridge for 3 days, it’s still nice & moist.

photo 1 (2)

#ootd. Lol

Continue reading “Before she turns forty!”