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four

Dyan

Nadya is 4 months old now and oh my what a difference these 2 weeks has been!
How and why do babies grow super fast.

So many things happened but i gotta chop chop and pen this down before i forget everything! I’m actually glad i did a monthly update for my pregnancy cos i love reading back and go “oh yeaaahhh.. i totally forgot about this!”

So i’m making sure i do a monthly update for nadya because honest to God, i cannot catch up sometimes!

Nadya can now sit up assisted. We let her sit in her Bumbo seat and i know that Bumbo seat is damn controversial. Some people said it’s good some people no good for development. Anyway, i’ve read about it’s pros and cons and i’m still using it. If you have issues with it, then don’t use it for your baby.

So yes, back to the Bumbo seat, she can sit up quite well when she’s in it but obviously she can’t sit up by herself lah kan. Or if we prop her up with pillows or place her at the corner of the sofa, she could actually sit up without toppling over.

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She love to raise her legs up high in the air now and then if nobody’s looking, she’ll put them feet in her mouth. Really cheeky. And no, please don’t tell me nadya nak ada adik baru. LOL

and she’s in the hospital baby cot cos we visited one of my girlfriend’s new baby! So adorable and kecik and squishy. Macam nak magic-kan Nadya to turn her back jadi gitu. or maybe not.

Not sure if i’ve mentioned this before but i know i’ve mentioned this to close friends many times. Both Nadya & Rusly had a hard time adjusting to each other initially. Rusly was ready for Fatherhood but he was overwhelmed by everything and got scared of Nadya. He won’t admit it but i can see fear in his eyes when he carries Nadya. HAHAHAHAHA.

Babies, i believe can sense that fear i guess? Whenever Rusly picks her up, she’ll bawl macam her favourite pet is dead gitu. and when she cries bloody murder, Rusly kancheong and pass her back to me and i’ll get annoyed because i’ll think Rusly is not trying. Now go back full circle again until one day, somehow these worked out their personal issues together, and now they’re best-friends-forever.

Nadya adoreeeeees her father. Somehow she’ll nap before her Papa is home and then automatically wake up just before he comes home and because i usually don’t allow Rusly to pick her up immediately until he has washed up and all, you could see Nadya searching for her Papa with her big round eyes. Kepala sampai senget2 ikutkan mana Papa dia pergi. So so cute!

I’m guessing she’ll prefer Rusly to me very very soon because Rusly always do stupids things with her. So yes, soon i’ll be left out. Dahlah muka photocopy. I just cannot get over how similar they both look! Especially when they sleep. HAHAHAHA.

We had an impromptu date out on a sunday cos the parents came over and kidnapped Nadya away and we kinda allowed them to! Macam “amik lah amik lah budak ni.” #parentingfail.

So once Nadya was out, i told Rusly “eh i siap2 eh? kita keluar.”
tak kasi chance orang tu reply pun. We initially wanted to catch a movie tapi Avengers dah nak abis so the timing pun a bit merepek so kita lupakan saja and probably wait for it to appear on Starhub VOD or kalau aku rajin, nanti download beli.

We also managed to squeeze in a short KL trip with my family to get some wedding stuff for my sisters. We didn’t get to eat stuff that i realllly wanna eat and trust me it’s a long list so Rusly promised me another trip in October for my birthday weekend!

Just before we left KL, guess what i discovered?

IMG_1030My baby girl sprouted 2 bottom teeth! No wonder she’s extra drooly these days. Like really drooly i cannot take it seh. 

Didn’t notice it at 1st and then she was crying while we’re having breakfast at Pelita and i saw white stuff in her mouth! I literally yanked her mouth open and felt rough edges at the bottom.

She has no fever yet but has been extra cranky and whiny. She’s making that whiny sound that’s so monotonous, bunyi macam engine speedboat. Lol.

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Counting blessings

Dyan

For 2 years, it was hard & painful to go on Facebook and see all those Mother’s Day cards and presents. Will i ever get to celebrate Mother’s Day? I often ask myself. 

You have no idea the no of period tracking app, ovulation kits & pregnancy kits i’ve bought. The amount of time i’ve spent online to read up on pregnancy symptoms and think that “maybe this month is my lucky month! But another stupid pregnancy test with “NOT PREGNANT” shows up immediately. #%@&$!
And then our struggle to conceive ended on 9 May 2014. The very same day, a year ago. I took 6 pregnancy tests just to be sure. That was one of the happiest time of my life. It was few days shy from Mother’s Day. The perfect gift for both my mom and my late MIL.
I’m now a mother. Each day, i count my blessings. Grateful that Allah gave me the chance to be one. To nurture one of his umat. Thankful i was given this amanah. But i’ll never forget that dark place i’ve been in.
As u celebrate Mother’s Day, take the time to also remember your friends / family who’s trying hard to conceive. It is a painful journey and i hope one day, you get to feel that joy i felt when i saw the positive test kits. It can happen if you put your mind to it. Most importantly, with His will. InshaAllah.
Our Little Family, The Travel Tales, Uncategorized

Oh we’re tripping!

Dyan

We just got back from our KL trip safe & sound! And by that i mean, i do not have any suicide thoughts nor did i have this urge to leave my daughter behind in KL and let her jadi orang mesia yang tengah sibuk merungut pasal GST. LOL
Honestly, i was sceptical about bringing her along. Would she be fussy and crying all the time and then i get flustered etc. Worst, what if tiba2 ada orang kidnap anak aku without me realising it. Serious aku fikir bukan2. I think too much and i need to stop this perangai tak senonoh.

Nadya proved me wrong! She was quiet throughout the entire car ride. Only waking up for feeds, and then tido balik. Serious, member penat macam dia pulak yang drive berjam-jam. But itu jugak bermakna i can sleep through the car ride. Yes, i make a very bad roadtrip partner cos i always sleep during car rides. So yes the car ride was surprisingly sane for all of us!

In fact, i have to pat Nadya’s back. She was a really fuss free travel partner and you know what, i think babies below 3 months are ideal for short trips like this (if you’re scared of bringing them on board a plane) cos they sleep all the time! They don’t move around that much! So yes, if you’re expecting and you think u need a short trip after your confinement, go ahead! Akak kasi seal of approval! It’s really easy to bring them travelling at this age. But the packing of the bag tu ada sikit tak senonoh. Pergi for a weekend tapi pack macam pergi satu minggu. No more light packing! Sigh.

We left our house at 6.00am to avoid the jam. Itu pun jam jugak. Lol
I think part of the reason why Nadya so syiok tido was because she was strapped on me all the time. We didn’t have space to put in a car seat so i use the ring sling in the car instead and it worked! Although she drooled all over my top. Selamat i was smart enough to just wear a plain black cotton top. We used the ring sling in the car and when we’re walking at carparks etc. Once we’re in the shopping mall or while eating, we switched to the stroller. Either way, she likes them both, thankfully!

Continue reading “Oh we’re tripping!” →

Motherhood, Nadya Raessa, Uncategorized

So she’s two!

Dyan

Nadya turned two months last saturday! Time pass by really fast eh?
So what did we do to celebrate her 2 months?

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We went ICA to do up her passport because we’re bringing her to our KL Roadtrip this coming Good Friday holidays!
Initially wanted to leave her with my parents but macam so kesian and also cos my parents pun ada plans so we figured memang rezeki dia ikut kita so we chop chop do her passport! We’re going with our friends so Hosni will be driving us in and so glad for that because i cannot imagine having to take the coach with a baby. Can u imagine if she cries in the coach and we’re stuck in the coach for 4 hours and everybody will give us the evil eye seh. Lagik kalau night coach. Hahaha. Kalau bus driver tak tinggalkan kita anak beranak kat highway, kira nasib baik ah. Glad we’re driving in as well cos we intend to venture out to Bangsar area if possible instead of staying put at the usual Bt Bintang area.. and while it might be easy to take a cab from our hotel, i fear it might be difficult to grab a cab when you’re at some obscure place.

I also didn’t wanna take the plane yet cos i feel she’s too young? But fret not because her 1st plane out will be in September cos we’ll be going Jogjakarta with my family for our annual family trip! Or maybe her plane ride might come earlier since they’ve just declared August 7 Public Holiday and it’s so tempting to go somewhere. But we shall see! We’re thinking of Krabi (because i miss that place so much!) but August is not exactly the optimal time to go so it could also be Perth (because it’s cooling in August) but not sure if she can handle a 5-hour flight for her 1st flight out. Or maybe she’ll do just fine and i’m just a worrywart, as usual.

or maybe we’ll stay put in SG and celebrate National Day, as per Halimah Yaacob’s instructions. LOL

So anyway, back to the trip,. we know we can do the passport online, but i chose to do it at ICA because then, i’ll have a reason to detour to..

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Fluff Bakery! Because “it’s on the way lah B!” Hahaha
I really balas dendam lor. I wanted to eat Fluff since pregnancy but i kept holding back pasal ada Diabetes and takut it will spike up. So dah lepas pantang and because i’m officially cleared of Diabetes,  2 saturdays in a row pergi Fluff!

We also went to collect my new sewing machine! Finally decided to get a new one cos the old one is a bit wonky already and i’ve been busy sewing cute stuff for Nadya like these headbands!

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Might be selling these because i can make extras each time i do a new one for Nadya. Details will be up soon! Starting really small though cos i didn’t really a huge piece of fabrics to start out with.

Next time will try and sew some leggings & harem pants for her pulak! So fun to dress her up!

Le Familia, Uncategorized

Our last goodbye.

Dyan

It took me some time to pen this down. Maybe because i was still in denial. But i really do want to document this down, lest i forget what happened.
Although i really doubt so.

So Nadya turned 1 month few weeks back and on the same day, my MIL lost her battle to cancer.
We found out about her Stage 4 Breast Cancer in November 2014, just 1 week after we got back from our KL Trip together.

It all happened so fast and even though we were already mentally prepared for it, i can’t help feeling devastated about it. It has been 3 weeks since she’s passed away and not a single day went by that i did not think of her and somehow or rather, our conversations will gravitate to “Mummy would love this” / “Mummy used to do this”.

On her 7th day of Tahlil, i broke down in the kitchen because i remembered those times when she would come over our place every week for dinner. The place she would sit at the dining table. The way she said “Alhamdulilah” after her meal and her voice when she picks up her home phone and realized it’s me and she’ll go “Hello, Dyan!” in that unique rhythm reserved for me.

I miss her. I really really do. I’m quite fortunate i’m close to my in-laws. Not the kind of “close for the sake of being close because she’s my husband mum” but really close that we have to meet every week else we’ll miss each other kind of close. Maybe partly cos Rusly is her favourite child and also maybe because she is so easy to get along with.

During her funeral, people keep telling me how i’m such a good daughter-in-law, taking her in to our place while i was heavily pregnant and then during my confinement. What they never realize is how she has always been so so nice to me. She is such a selfless person. Even while she was sick, all she could think about was how tired it must have been for me, having to take care of her in my last trimester. She kept reminding Rusly to focus his attention to me instead of her. Each time Rusly sorta bully me, she’ll come to my rescue. While pregnant, i just have to mention in passing what i wanna eat and she make sure i’ll get it.

Few times she apologised to me for falling sick while i was heavily pregnant. I remembered the day after her 1st chemo, she held my hand, cried and said “Sorry dyan.. Mummy menyusahkan. You’re pregnant.. and you need all the attention and yet i’m taking it away from you” I still cry when i think of her face when she said that to me. 😦

2 weeks before she passed away, she refused treatment. Refused to go for additional ultrasound scan, refused to see her Doctor for consultation. We had the intention of stopping her chemo and let her continue with oral medications instead. We kept promising her that we won’t allow her to go thru chemo anymore and then one morning, my FIL knocked on my bedroom door at close to 9.30am with his eyes brimming with tears saying that mummy can’t breathe. True enough, she was gasping for air. Told her i’m calling the ambulance but she refused. I had to coax her to take the ambulance because i can’t carry her to the hospital on my own. She finally agreed and told me “Please call all my children. I want them with me.” So i called the ambulance and then called all her 3 children including Rusly to hurry up and meet at NUH A&E. I packed Nadya’s stuff, sent her to my mum’s place and head over to NUH A&E.

It was there when the doctor told us her organs are failing, like a domino, they are falling apart one by one.
They placed her in a special room in the A&E, gave us a special pass with “End of Life Program” written on it and told us they would not do any procedure on her. Instead, they want us to stay by her side and say some prayers because at that point, her chance of surviving the day seems very slim. We all cried together in that room. It was so hard for all of us to see her in that condition.

We managed to get her a room, informed all her relatives & friends and everyone came down to see her. Prior to this, she refused visitors. No one was allowed to visit her except for her children. Although a few of her friends actually knew of her condition, she refused to let them visit her. So it came as a shock when they see her for the 1st time. The weight she has lost, the hair she has lost and that cheerful disposition she had.

We requested for a terminal discharge from the hospital to fulfill her final wish – to pass away peacefully at our place.
So we arranged for an ambulance service to take her back to Bukit Panjang, called up some vendors to rent an Oxygen concentrator and arranged for private nurses to come in every day to see her condition. We were also briefed by the nurses on what to look out for, how to inject morphine in her if she’s in pain etc.

The night before she passed away, she was wheezing when she breathe. Even with 15 litres of oxygen support, she could hardly breathe. She was no longer responding when we talked to her. When i held her hand, i noticed tears at the corner of her eyes. I don’t know why but i somehow knew the day is near. That night, we all knew. My FIL requested us to stay by her side and baca Yassin for her before we go to sleep.

At 2.00am, Nadya cried for milk and while feeding her, i remembered thinking if i should wake Rusly up to look at his mom and see how she’s doing. But Rusly looked so tired and was in deep sleep so i dismissed it. What i didn’t know was barely few minutes after i slept after feeding Nadya, his father woke Rusly up because mummy took a long pause each time she breathes. When both of them came back to the room, mummy took her very last breath and passed away peacefully. Rusly’s sister, who slept over that night, woke me up, crying. At that moment, i knew, mummy is gone.

Even though we kind of expected it already, that final moment we had with her was very intense. We called for a doctor to certify the death at 2.55am, went to get the Death Cert done, called all our relatives & friends and arranged for the funeral.

10.00am came and people start streaming in. So did the people arranging the funeral. I asked the kakak in charge if it’s ok fo me to mandikan mayat as well, since i’m still on pantang and ada darah nifas. She said it’s ok. But some of the aunties were telling me not to. Takut i badi.
But really, i think that is the last thing i can do for mummy and i was glad i was part of it. Although i cried half the time and kept kissing her forehead.

Once mayat dah dimandikan and laid on the floor for her closed ones to kiss her and say their last goodbye, i searched for Rusly.
He was crying so hard and i can totally understand why. When it was his turn to kiss his mom, he broke down and kept crying and at one point, stood up to leave because he don’t think he can do it. I had to console him and tell him it is his last chance to kiss his mom and he have to brace himself for this.

By 12.00 noon, we left for the cemetery. Again, the entire family broke down. Especially when i saw her lowered down to the ground with Rusly & his brother down there receiving her coffin. When they started to bury the coffin with more sand till we lost sight of the coffin, we broke down again. I think it really made us realize that we’ll never see her again, or be able to touch her again.

Our only way of grieving right now is to see pictures & the plentiful of videos of her. Somehow, it fills the void of our hearts. But i truly miss her still.
Rusly have been having dreams of her. Once, he woke up crying really hard cos the dream was so real and she seemed so sad. Then few days after, he told me about another dream he had. This time he was happy about it because in that dream, mummy was wearing one of her favourite dress and dancing away.

She will always live in our memories. I will always remember her for her kindness, her need to be prim & proper and her passion for the things she love. Nadya might not be able to grow up knowing her nenek. But she’ll grow knowing how much we love her.
We promised to always tell her stories about her nenek, the wonderful times we had and the amazing person she is.

Al Fateha.

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Nadya Raessa

Dyan

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And our precious one finally made an appearance on 14 January 2015 at 8.27pm. Alhamdulillah.

I’m still getting the hang of motherhood. Pretty intense. I get frustrated when i can’t seem to latch her on properly. But when i see her fall in deep sleep, my heart swell with so much love, i cannot take it.

I hope i’ll have time to pen down the birth story soon before i forget the details. But honestly, i doubt i can forget what happened. Lol

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Of Hospital Bag & Nursery

Dyan

I’ve finally crossed these two from my to-do list, taking advantage of the few long weekends and the short week at work for Rusly.

We honestly didn’t do much for the Nursery cos we probably won’t be using much of it till later since baby will be sleeping with us in the Master Bedroom. We used the Nursery to store her wardrobe and supplies like wet wipes & diapers etc. If i had more time (and energy), i would have prettify it a bit more but this shall suffice for now.

IMG_5547Had to mosaic one of the poster cos it reflects her name. Lol

Continue reading “Of Hospital Bag & Nursery” →

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The Travel Tag

Dyan

Finally had time to do The Travel Tag that Farhana tagged me here which came at the right time before this blog turns into a pregnancy blog. Lol

And also because I HAVE TRAVEL WITHDRAWALS, you guys! My last proper trip was in February! That seems like 3 years ago! wth. So yes, if i cannot travel, i shall relive the memories!

With the baby coming along, it’ll be quite a while before we go for another proper trip because i have a paranoid father-to-be who feels that nowhere is safe for his daughter. Except home, maybe and bawah ketiak dia agaknya. Pffft.
He has no idea i’ve been browsing thru airplane deals for 2015, especially for the long weekends in April / May. Hahahaha

So anyway, let’s go!

What made you start traveling?
The need to escape from work actually. That feeling of not having to wake up at a certain timing, fight for space in public transport and face my superiors. That few days of not having to be available for others.

Where was your first plane ride to?
To Manila! I started flying quite late. Think when i was 22? Cos i have a fear of heights (i still do!) and i was afraid of being trapped in a confined space at a high altitude. Until i was told to travel for work. And then i had to travel to Manila & Indonesia every month for about two years after that 1st trip, and suddenly, naik aeroplane macam naik bas gitu. Lol

Where have you travelled to that you would love to visit again?
3
I would love to visit Bali again. The last time i was there for 5 days but it was honestly too short of a trip to discover more of Bali and now i know why people keep returning to Bali again and again because there’s just so much to see! People in Bali are so so nice, it’s hard to not like Bali.

What are 3 of your must have travel items?

Travel Adaptor:
Because if you don’t bring this, bawak charger segala charger pun tak guna. Especially if your hotel have very limited travel adaptor to go by for their hotel guests.

Camera: 
Probably the only time i take lotsa pictures of myself is when i travel. It’s just a tourist thing to do, yes?

Po Chai Pills: 
Hahahahah very aunty i know but i have a weak stomach and after some bouts of food poisoning, i realized that no other anti-diarrhea pills work like Po Chai. So i make sure i bring them for all my trips. Those little pills work like a charm, baby!

Window, isle or middle seat?
1Window seats! I have an awesome bladder control so i don’t need to go to the toilet every hour and there’s just something very euphoric seeing the plane take off and then seeing the city pass u by as you drift up towards nothingness. Those cotton candy clouds make me happy!

What place is on your ‘places to visit next’ list?
Probably not next as in the next trip but i hope to visit Santorini soon. There’s just something about those white washed walls and cobalt blue doors. Santorini has always and will always be at the top of my Travel to-go list.

Where would you travel just for the weather?
2Australia! I love the weather when i was in Gold Coast early this year. I’m not a fan of winter, although the husband is.
I cannot stand extreme cold. I love the sun but not too much of it and Australia has the perfect blend of both weathers, i feel. It was breezy when i was there and even though the sun was up, i wasn’t sweating like a pig!

Do you have an interesting ‘I’m lost’ story?
It was during one of my trips to Manila, when there was a typhoon. It was so scary. I remember everybody scrambling for shelter. I wasn’t exactly lost per se but i felt lost. Because i’ve never encountered natural disasters like this and when faced with situations like this, i clammed up. Those telephone wires came crashing down on the road and the roof of the makeshift roadside stalls were flying all over the place. In minutes, the whole place was a mess. Just when i thought the whole ordeal was over, my flight back to Singapore was also bumpy because of the massive turbulence due to the typhoon. Scariest trip ever but definitely an eye-opener.

Where would you travel to just to eat the food?
4Krabi in a heartbeat, baby! Yum yum yum. I would go back there again to savour that Tom Yam Khaa / Pad Thai / Banana Chocolate Pancake. You have no idea how i crave for that Tom Yam Khaa at this kedai makan tepi jalan. So sedap!
I love Thai food in general but Krabi is the best because it’s Muslim dominated so finding authentic Halal Thai food was such a breeze. Authentic tu penting ya kawan2, pasal kalau Halal Thai Food je, pergi Al-Azhar pun boleh. Lol

Is there a place you would never go again?
I wouldn’t say i wouldn’t go there again but out of all the places i’ve travelled to, Jakarta would be the last place i would return to because the traffic jam is horrendous. For all my trips to Jakarta, i always get stuck in the traffic for 2 hours+ and once, i missed a flight back to Singapore because i was stuck in the traffic jam close to 4hours+ because there was some protest / riot going on.  It was all very traumatizing cos i usually travel to Jakarta alone and being stuck in a foreign country alone is scary, even if you speak similar language. I remember my flight was scheduled at 8.00pm. I reached the airport close to 7.30pm and the next available flight out to Singapore is just before midnight! From then on, i made sure i leave the hotel 6 hours before my flight whenever i’m in Jakarta!

If you could take one person with you to travel who would it be?
5My husband, because he always help me to carry my luggage and he’s better at reading maps. HAHAHAHAHA
ok kidding. just in case he reads this.
I had a few travel partners but my husband has got to be the best travel partner i have. Amazingly enough, we rarely fight during trips. Maybe cos he’s the “i just follow” kind while i’m the one who plans everything to a T and i think he feels safe with me because i know what we’re doing and where we’re going. I feel safe when i travel with him because he’s a people person. He gets along with people quite well. Despite the garang face, he warms up to people really fast and makes an effort to chat with the locals. On the other hand, i always have this huge wall i put up and will take my own sweet time to loosen up when i’m with strangers. So we make awesome travel partners to each other.

How do you pass the time on the airplane?
I usually read because reading is no longer a luxury i can afford. So i usually bring a book or buy a book when i’m at the airport. That and i usually load my iPhone with tons of songs that i can listen to during flights.

Are there other people whom you think would do this?
Well, i hope they’ll do this cos i’ll love to hear their travel stories!
Dancing Fairy Queen (Haryani)
Eleventh October (Ili)
Two Nine October (Tini)
Lustish (Yasmin)
Kiss The Bridezilla (Izzah)
and everyone else, of course!

 

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The 31st

Dyan

The 31st was a simple affair. I guess as u grow older, u don’t really care much for birthday celebrations. I wanted to spend the day with my family and i was glad to be able to do so.

I requested for Mak’s Place cos i wanted to eat Salted Egg Crab. It’s been a while!

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Oohhh salted egg, i love u so.

We all went back to my parent’s place after that to continue our conversations till late night. Nothing beats the comfort of home, eh?

For my 30th, i got myself The Bag. This year, i got myself another bag. A diaper bag. LOL

And i changed my phone, at last! I was reluctant to change my phone cos the iPhone was part of my hantaran gift from Rusly, 3 years ago. So sentimental me refused to change the phone but the iPhone 4 was lagging so badly and it wouldn’t be compatible with iOS 8. The iPhone 6 it is then! I wouldn’t exactly call myself an iPhone evangelist but i just prefer the iPhone / iOS. I tried using Android once and i didn’t like it as much. I was about to just go get the iPhone 6 Plus and then realized it was so big! I couldn’t hug the phone in my small palm. LOL.

And please stop asking iPhone 6 users if they can bend their phones. It’s annoying and really why would u want to purposely bend a phone?

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Another 28 weeks bump shot.

One thing i wish i did, was to consistently take weekly bump shots but most of the time i’m in singlets and shorts, my weekly bump shots would be so selekeh.

So that sums up my favourite October!
Love October cos;
– we got engaged on 5th October
– we got married on 15th October
– my birthday on 25th October

And no it wasn’t all planned. Especially my birthday, of course.